amanda_lodden

In poking through some old emails, I came across an old argument, in which I countered a "well, it sure sounds like [insert nonsensical bullshit here]" comment with the following:

Based on how it SOUNDS, I can conclusively say that beer bottles contain
extraterrestial life forms. How do I come to this conclusion, you ask?

People who claim to have been abducted by aliens often experience a
"loss of time"-- periods where time passes, but they do not experience
it. Similiarly, many drunk people come to at a completely different
time than they expected.

People who claim to have been abducted by aliens often claim that they
were dropped off at a locale other than where they were abducted from.
Similiarly, drunk people often wake up in the morning in a strange bed,
or not in a bed at all-- *obviously*, those who wake up somewhere other
than in a bed were abducted by aliens who have not studied humans enough
to recognize our sleep-cycle rituals.

People who claim to have been abducted by aliens often return with
additional implants that they have no memory of receiving. Similarly,
some drunk people wake up to find that some of their body parts have
been pierced or marked without their knowledge.

People who claim to have been abducted by aliens often claim that they
were probed anally as part of experiments on the part of the aliens.
Similiarly, drunk people often have severe rectal pain, or diarrhea
(consistent with stretched rectal muscles).

There you have it. Enough evidence to say that people who think they
are merely getting drunk are in fact being abducted by aliens.