amanda_lodden

Mom is at her apartment at American House, where she wanted to go. She's doing fairly well, for the most part. It's very disconcerting to put someone in hospice with the idea that they've only got a few days left and then have them be puttering around happily two weeks later. It makes me wonder why I put her in hospice in the first place.

Then she'll have one of her bad days and spend the entire day babbling about how she's very worried about her socks, and I'll say to myself "Oh yeah, that's why." Or she'll scare the shit out of us by being unconscious on her couch one Saturday morning (which turned out to be low blood sugar, which I find highly ironic considering that her reasoning for keeping her sugar so high was that she was scared it would go too low).

Still, I have no idea what to do, other than just keep on hanging on. I spent the first few days of her hospice coming to terms with her impending death. It was rough, and then..... and then.... wait, what happened to the impending death? She's feeling better now than she was when we put her in hospice. It's not fair to put me through that kind of emotional roller-coaster. Should I be happy that she's doing better, or on edge fearing that the next scare will be her last? She's still got multiple organs failing or only working at half capacity, and the aforementioned bad days make it clear that she's not headed for a miraculous recovery. But she's obviously not doing as badly as previously thought, either.