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amanda_loddenMy cousin called to invite us over for Christmas. Traditionally my side of the family either gets together on Christmas Eve or on the day after Christmas, so I had previously arranged to go to John's sisters on December 23rd, which just happens to be my nephew's birthday.
OF COURSE, since I had something else scheduled, my family decided to schedule their Christmas get-together on the 23rd. Fortunately my sister-in-law is easy-going and willing to rearrange things on short notice, so now we're going to her house on the 24th.
But honestly, I'm not so certain I want to go to my cousin's house, because the first question I asked was "Hmm, I can't recall your deck layout, do you have an easy way to get a wheelchair into your house?" My cousin's response was "I was afraid you were going to ask that. I'd prefer you not bring your Mom."
Excuse me?
"My house isn't wheelchair-friendly." It's not that bad, but Mom would be confined to the kitchen-- which is where she usually hangs out anyway. "And I wouldn't want you to take her out in the cold and have her catch pneumonia or fall or something and turn a happy day into a sad one." Because apparently deliberately excluding someone from a family celebration still makes it a "happy day."
For the record, while I am always concerned about Mom's safety when we take her out somewhere, I would rather have her catch pneumonia and die knowing that she was loved than have her live a longer life but spend it cooped up and feeling abandoned. Quality of life is more important than quantity of life.
In contrast, my sister-in-law's attitude towards my Mom has been "bring her along." If something were to happen and Mom had trouble getting around, I know full well what Lisa's reaction would be-- she'd tell me to grab an arm, she'd grab the other, and we'd haul Mom off to the bathroom or wherever we had to get her to. If furniture has to be moved to create a path for Mom, so be it (though she'd probably tell me that since it's my mother, I get to do the heavy lifting).
I bet you can guess which side of the family I like best. I bet you can guess why, too.
OF COURSE, since I had something else scheduled, my family decided to schedule their Christmas get-together on the 23rd. Fortunately my sister-in-law is easy-going and willing to rearrange things on short notice, so now we're going to her house on the 24th.
But honestly, I'm not so certain I want to go to my cousin's house, because the first question I asked was "Hmm, I can't recall your deck layout, do you have an easy way to get a wheelchair into your house?" My cousin's response was "I was afraid you were going to ask that. I'd prefer you not bring your Mom."
Excuse me?
"My house isn't wheelchair-friendly." It's not that bad, but Mom would be confined to the kitchen-- which is where she usually hangs out anyway. "And I wouldn't want you to take her out in the cold and have her catch pneumonia or fall or something and turn a happy day into a sad one." Because apparently deliberately excluding someone from a family celebration still makes it a "happy day."
For the record, while I am always concerned about Mom's safety when we take her out somewhere, I would rather have her catch pneumonia and die knowing that she was loved than have her live a longer life but spend it cooped up and feeling abandoned. Quality of life is more important than quantity of life.
In contrast, my sister-in-law's attitude towards my Mom has been "bring her along." If something were to happen and Mom had trouble getting around, I know full well what Lisa's reaction would be-- she'd tell me to grab an arm, she'd grab the other, and we'd haul Mom off to the bathroom or wherever we had to get her to. If furniture has to be moved to create a path for Mom, so be it (though she'd probably tell me that since it's my mother, I get to do the heavy lifting).
I bet you can guess which side of the family I like best. I bet you can guess why, too.
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Date: 2007-12-18 02:11 am (UTC)You know, if it were me, I would find an excuse to just opt out of seeing my cousin if that was the attitude that was taken. I have severely nasty things to say about people who clearly don't want one person around because it might inconvenience them.
That's just me though.
no subject
Date: 2007-12-18 07:11 pm (UTC)Your mother is your Mom, not a dog! What in the world are they thinking?
By and by, you and John have my utmost respect for helping your mom adjust to living in her new home and helping her with everything. You have a lot of strength, Amanda.
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Date: 2007-12-19 10:23 pm (UTC)My boyfriend's friend Kris was told by his mom to find something else to do because she isn't making Christmas dinner this year. WTF is that? You don't want to see your kid because you're not cooking? That's ridiculous.