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amanda_loddenHospital: Although I alluded to it when I talked about Mom being sent home on laxatives, I never gave an actual update on Mom's hospital stay. She was there for nine days (including Thanksgiving), and her normal doctor was having surgery himself in the middle of it, so he referred her to "an associate" who I hate with a passion. Even her doctor apologized for the referral, saying that the associate was the only doctor available and that he'd never use her again. The last two days of the nine, she was kept simply because she hadn't had a bowel movement the entire time she was there; hence the laxatives. Anyway, she's breathing better now, and during her follow-up appointment her doctor ran a battery of tests to find out why she's still swelling up, as it might not be starting out as congestive heart failure.
Sleep: Sleep has slowly gotten better as my system adjusts to the new drug. There's still a period in the middle of the night where I wake up and stare at the ceiling for a while, but it's getting shorter. Two weeks ago I was joking that I was finally getting eight hours of sleep, it just took me ten or eleven hours to do it. Now it's taking about nine hours for me to get eight hours of sleep. Nine hours is acceptable.
Drugs: The anti-depressants are definitely helping. While I was in the downward spiral in the months leading up to the Week O' Continual Meltdowns, I had gotten into a very negative state of mind (I even commented on it in the Question meme, saying that my attitude was "Negative lately. This saddens me, as I used to be pretty optimistic.") Now that the drugs have fully kicked in, I feel more like me again. Mom's health is not my entire life, it's just one facet of it. Sure, that facet is sucking and because it's sucking it's getting a lot of extra focus right now, but it's not the end-all-be-all of my life, and most of my life is good. It's much easier to cope with that one sucky facet now that I can see all the other facets again.
Christmas: We're going to my cousin's, without my Mom. It's not my ideal solution, but things are what they are, and I've accepted it for various reasons:
First, my cousin is not the entirety of my family. While I disagree with her overall decision, boycotting my entire family over one person's decision is childish. And since being a human being sometimes means disagreeing with other human beings, boycotting one cousin over one decision is also kinda childish. Don't get me wrong, there's a big part of me that would like to tell that cousin "Fuck you and the horse you rode in on," but ultimately, I have more class than that.
Second, as much as I hate to admit it, my cousin may have a point about the wheelchair-accessibility aspect. Mom can handle stairs to a point, so getting her up the two stairs into the house would not be a problem. However, as she gets more and more tired, her ability to stand and walk diminishes. Whether I wait for her to be ready or push her to go when she needs to, she will still end up staying until she's exhausted, because if I push her to go when she first starts getting tired she will spend an hour fighting with me over whether she's REALLY tired or not. Getting her back out of the car at her own apartment is almost certainly going to be a nightmare, as after the war she'll have a half-hour drive to fall asleep during, and she's always harder to get jump started after she's slept.
Third, I don't know that Mom has two back-to-back Christmas celebrations in her. She may need a day or two in between to rest, and if I have to pick which set of people to take her to, I'd much rather take her to the people who are welcoming and accommodating (that would be John's sister Lisa, not my family).
Fourth, the cousin who is hosting Christmas and requesting that Mom not come is one of the few people on that side of my family who have actually gone to visit Mom. I don't agree with the conclusions she came to regarding Christmas, but I do believe that she cares about Mom overall.
So, we're going. I plan to take a stack of maps with me, directing people on exactly how to get to Mom's apartment, with a note stressing how much she wishes she could have come and how much she wants to see everyone, and I plan to spend the evening guilt-tripping the entire family into going and visiting Mom.
Sleep: Sleep has slowly gotten better as my system adjusts to the new drug. There's still a period in the middle of the night where I wake up and stare at the ceiling for a while, but it's getting shorter. Two weeks ago I was joking that I was finally getting eight hours of sleep, it just took me ten or eleven hours to do it. Now it's taking about nine hours for me to get eight hours of sleep. Nine hours is acceptable.
Drugs: The anti-depressants are definitely helping. While I was in the downward spiral in the months leading up to the Week O' Continual Meltdowns, I had gotten into a very negative state of mind (I even commented on it in the Question meme, saying that my attitude was "Negative lately. This saddens me, as I used to be pretty optimistic.") Now that the drugs have fully kicked in, I feel more like me again. Mom's health is not my entire life, it's just one facet of it. Sure, that facet is sucking and because it's sucking it's getting a lot of extra focus right now, but it's not the end-all-be-all of my life, and most of my life is good. It's much easier to cope with that one sucky facet now that I can see all the other facets again.
Christmas: We're going to my cousin's, without my Mom. It's not my ideal solution, but things are what they are, and I've accepted it for various reasons:
First, my cousin is not the entirety of my family. While I disagree with her overall decision, boycotting my entire family over one person's decision is childish. And since being a human being sometimes means disagreeing with other human beings, boycotting one cousin over one decision is also kinda childish. Don't get me wrong, there's a big part of me that would like to tell that cousin "Fuck you and the horse you rode in on," but ultimately, I have more class than that.
Second, as much as I hate to admit it, my cousin may have a point about the wheelchair-accessibility aspect. Mom can handle stairs to a point, so getting her up the two stairs into the house would not be a problem. However, as she gets more and more tired, her ability to stand and walk diminishes. Whether I wait for her to be ready or push her to go when she needs to, she will still end up staying until she's exhausted, because if I push her to go when she first starts getting tired she will spend an hour fighting with me over whether she's REALLY tired or not. Getting her back out of the car at her own apartment is almost certainly going to be a nightmare, as after the war she'll have a half-hour drive to fall asleep during, and she's always harder to get jump started after she's slept.
Third, I don't know that Mom has two back-to-back Christmas celebrations in her. She may need a day or two in between to rest, and if I have to pick which set of people to take her to, I'd much rather take her to the people who are welcoming and accommodating (that would be John's sister Lisa, not my family).
Fourth, the cousin who is hosting Christmas and requesting that Mom not come is one of the few people on that side of my family who have actually gone to visit Mom. I don't agree with the conclusions she came to regarding Christmas, but I do believe that she cares about Mom overall.
So, we're going. I plan to take a stack of maps with me, directing people on exactly how to get to Mom's apartment, with a note stressing how much she wishes she could have come and how much she wants to see everyone, and I plan to spend the evening guilt-tripping the entire family into going and visiting Mom.
